I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
