Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
