I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
