if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize