Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize