Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
