And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize