Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
