My cat gives me a boner
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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