I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Enjoy the penises
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
