Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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