today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
