a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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