her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
