I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
