god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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