You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
