I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
