yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
NoShamevember. You game?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
