You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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