i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize