WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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