hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
