just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
