happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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