Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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