You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His hands were made for my vagina.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
