Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
