Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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