I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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