I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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