come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
