The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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