I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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