Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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