Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just puked most of my soul out..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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