pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize