I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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