I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
