Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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