I wish my penis had an off switch
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
