69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
