He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
