I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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