Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
