Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
