I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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