I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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