I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
