Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
