all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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