I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
