so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
