I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
