Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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