I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
