These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
