Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think pants incapable of making pants work
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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