Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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