there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
