Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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