Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
