i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
