Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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