he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he fucked my hip out of place.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize