So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
