I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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