Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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