Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
