Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
