so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
