hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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