I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
