So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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