i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
