The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
