wakey wakey hands off snakey
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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