how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
