all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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