Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
