fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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