I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
