Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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