My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We have started to decorate penises.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
