My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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