im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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