so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
