Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
