I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
