my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
