Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize