Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
