if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
