I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My balls are so social today.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize