After last night, I could never be a politician.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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