I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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