we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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