I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
