Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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