and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
