I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
