You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
