K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
