Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
